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Asking for Prayer because I cannot do this all over again..

I normally don't ask for help or even post on these type of places because I don't see how I can and it be private enough not to put myself and all my business out there. So I am going to ask for prayer and talk about some personal things and pray my self that I can save face.

I have been on West Coast 7 years. In Vegas for a year and half. I have struggled and worked hard for various companies giving 110% and being honest only to be laid off or fired. The fired because I refuse to do illegal bookkeeping. I lived in my car for 5 months when I got to Vegas, because the original housing arrangement was just a con and I was ripped off. I have stayed in a half way house, very scary and not a place for anyone that is not coming from a criminal background, because that is the kind of people that stay there or drug users.

Than I thought I was blessed having two different people step forward and offer me a place to stay out of the cold. I was wrong, the first a man...he wanted sex or money so I gave what little money I was getting from an 'on call' job to him to keep him from trying to get me to give him sex. Than a woman who got me signed up to her company told me to come stay with her but again, I was expected to clean up after her and her two teenage kids, give her money (she didn't pay rent it was her sons house), buy food for the home (it would be gone in 2 days), plus the abusiveness that was between that family caused me to be sick often due to stress.

I finally found a job that was to grow into a full time job and I took it. I moved out from the woman's house and into an apartment but only after I stayed with a classmate for 3 weeks while finding the apartment. I took this place after I spoke with the boss/owner of the business I worked for, asking her if this position was a long-term one and was she happy with my work, (I had been there for four months). After being told I was a great asset and that it was indeed long-term, I took the apartment.

One week after my birthday, day before Halloween, I was informed that the boss was getting back with her ex-husband and she was 'down-sizing' the bookkeeping side to only a handful of clients she would do. She told us we would work through end of this year and even suggested I go into business for myself and that she would give the clients a choice to go with me or find another bookkeeper.

Again, like so many times over the past 7 yrs I find out it was only about the person in charge. All the 'help' that I was to get, has not happened plus we were informed last Friday was our last day. I only have one client out of the 25 clients we worked on....she did not let go of all she said she was going to.

Now here I am again, in an apartment trying to figure out how I am to pay the rent, bills and live. I have one client that does not even cover the rent and I have invested money into business cards, website and other start up costs. Trying to stay positive is so hard, I try not to cry and just keep believing that God won't let me go through all of this again, but truthfully I am Scared.

So I ask for prayer that I may have some higher power of help with this....to help my business grow quickly or find a PT job while it does. To stay in my home and NOT have to live in my car again. To have real honest people that care about me come into my life and not try to take from me.

I know I should not say this but since I am anonymous than I shall pour out my heart. I WILL NOT live in my car again, I will die first. I have had to live in my car twice since moving to the west coast and I cannot do it again. I just want to get on my feet and finish my schooling and than go back to my home area where I know people are more about friends and loved ones, then they are out here.

I will be spending Christmas alone again for the 6 year in a row....can I at least have some strong prayer to help me deal with that and what I am going through??! I know there are others that have it worse off than me....believe me..I am one of those people you see every other week giving money to the ones on the corners. I try to help others and do for others but feel that it is my time to ask for and get some help. Is that so wrong....

Submitter Info

Name: 
Deborah L
Item Status: 
approved, published

Comments

Replied

Hi Deb... First.. a HUGE HUG

Hi Deb...

First.. a HUGE HUG with tears.

Second: Let me also put myself 'out there'.

I live with what looks like a 3rd eye on my head, or at least that's what I call it.. because it's a bump and a big one. I am not sure this will apply to you, but it came to mind when I was reading your post.. so let me be honest about.. 'me.'

I was led to Las Vegas. I actually did not expect it at ALL! and it is the LAST place I wanted to EVER be. But GOD had other plans than I.

I wanted to live in my home on the other side of the country. Because we were also led to belive the lies of 'someone's word' we lost our home. There were reasons I did not want to come out here.. besides just not wanting to move to Las Vegas.. but.. the LORD said; "Go!" and so here I am.

I have been one.. most of my walk with GOD.. to use GOD to get what and where I wanted to be in life. (Remember..i am talking about me).

I would pray and ask for 'my will to be done' even though the words were "Your will be done"

I spent a lot of time wrestling with GOD about a lot of stuff and running into my own dreams and finding the DOORS OPEN and then SLAM SHUT on me. (Hence the Bump in the middle of my forehead)

It wasn't until I came to Las Vegas and experienced the BUMP over and over again... that after so many years, I finally said: "Okay GOD... what's Up with this?"

HE then.. let me know that It was HIS will HE was wanting me to look to HIM.. that my dreams were not His and that I could not DO ONE THING without HIM.

I finally SAW what HE was saying. All of my walk with Him I was TRYING instead of trusting.. Running instead of resting.. struggling instead of praying and asking Him for HIS will for me and for this life He paid for.

I finally.. surrendered to resting and trusting in HIM for ALL things and dying to myself for His will.

He stripped me clean from the inside out in the last year and a half and I am no longer the person I was.

Now.. He leads the dance and I try and stay in step with Him. I find I have no worries at all no matter the circumstance because I am positioned within His will and HE makes my way.

Like I said.. I am not sure if this has anything to do with your walk or not.. but know this too.. that NOT one thing is wasted with GOD.. inside all that you have been through there is a PURPOSE happening whether you see it or know it or not.. and GOD will make all of it work for your Goodd, the good of others and for His Glory. Isaiah 45:3 (felt to share that verse with you.) Praying with you!

Replied

My heart goes out to you, God

My heart goes out to you, God Will carry us when we are unable to carry ourselves. You are not alone even though it feels that way.
God in heaven please bring the comforter this ones way... guide this loved one of yours to the exact place you know will help and give this child the wisdom to know and eyes to see what is right and true kindness and the ability to see those false masks people use to manipulate us through our needs for their purpose. In Jesus Name I pray!

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