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CASTING CROWNS-SLOW FADE
My name is Angel..I am in need of a miracle right now-i have a demon of addiction that wont leave me alone. I have fallen down so many times and begged god for forgiveness and healing to take this from me..Where is he?? Somewhere through all my failures and falling downs i have lost my myself..my kids are in custody of child protection services,and i have been through a long rough process of regaining custody back. I am now at the final stage of that process and so very close to getting my kids..and the demons are back and in full force. I have recently discovered my newly wed husband of a year has been unfaithful, and im sure in more than one incident- because of his hurt by my weakness and few fallbacks in my process of recovery. The deception of this has made me fall hard, my spirit has been broken and im coming to believe that there is no light at the end of my road..i want to love him like i did before, even if i may not have shown him in the best way i could have. I want to trust him and forgive him and be able to forget it completely, but i feel stuck in an angry place i don't know if i can make it out of. We have been thru so much since God had our paths cross and made it thru many trials i don't want to lose our love and our family we have made together..I have lashed out in angry rages and i have become an ugly person i never was before!I lost the happy carefree God loving "ME" I used to be. Also I am facing some legal issues that have also obstacles my path to the point i don't see hope of a change in my life as its been so far.I'm so close and yet so far away from where I want to be!!! I have considered ending my life many times and have attempted a few, but God wont let me go and leave all the pain I've caused others and myself because of the demons that hold onto me so tightly! I just want to have a normal life, a family, love and true happiness...Please God, help me....I need to see his amazing grace and be set free from these demons attacking me. Pray for my healing...and a light that shines so bright in my life that i don't stumble and fall into addiction anymore.