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STRONGER BY MANDISA
pray for my husband and I. we are struggling financially. we pay our tithes and still have many setbacks. my husband and I recently reconciled. he had committed adultery against me when I was living in vegas with him. many of his affairs happened with prostitutes. today, I have jealousy/trust issues. I don't believe anything he says to me. im trying to work with him, but I get no communication in our marriage...this includes communications in our intimacy, finances, spiritual. im a woman of faith and I pray for my husbands salvation. I pray that God would reveal himself to my husband so that he can understand our situation. For him, his only comment is "I told you about what I did, now stop bringing it back up...if you want to bring it up then i'm leaving...I only came back because I don't want to talk about what I did wrong" well it bothers me, kinda like he's sweeping it under the carpet. I try telling him that he needs to confess his sins to the church pastors or leaders. I haven't fully forgiven him. part of me tells me that he will do it again or he's hiding more of the truth. In hindsight, this has clouded our relationship with each other. Plus, we are financially in a pit. he has a job that I found for him and majority of the money he makes goes to gas for a money-pit-van he drives. I can work, but I take care of my four year old daughter and she is not in school yet. my 6yr old son is in school and has been hit emotionally by the split. I feel he gets picked on by his dad because, right now, he's the only real man in my life...my son asked the other night to his father, if he was his real dad. that hurts. For now, I love that he is here for our kids, not for me, and I basically am turning to a I-don't-really-care-this-marriage attitude and have binging/starving myself to try in being the better person he wants me to be. I feel that my weight issues are disturbing to him. I am currently at 198 lbs. I used to be 145 lbs pre-baby and pre-marriage. the hardest part of being in my marriage to him that I wake up and telling myself, "do I love him today or I do I hate him forever?" please pray for me...