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CITY ON OUR KNEES BY TOBYMAC
For some who come across this might say tht my problem isn't huge&im young&shouldnt mourn over this but im hurt... and i cnt help but to do it.
I became Christian abt a year ago now& well upon tht little time i went into a relationship with a guy from my church& to me it was perfection bc he was Christian, we read the bible together, prayed, and he was my 1st boyfriend so for me it was a huge deal...
It was just 'perfect' just recently he broke up with saying he was moving bck to his hometowm& turns out he only broke up with me to get bck with his ex.
I know im only 19&i have much ahead & ultimately God didn't want this for my life bc even before he broke up w/me i.prayed tht if it wasn't God's will for us to be together to seperate us so i hve the comfort knowing God knws wht He is doing.
It's just i cnt seem to let go. it has hold of me! Ive came to realize i made him my god when i was in the relationship I was idolizing &it breaks my heart im doing this to my Lord. I feel anger towards myself tht i cannot let this go&truly forgive him. Knowing he lied&it was all empty is just sad to me.. & he just doesnt care& is able to act w/me as if everyrhing is ok.
I know im not a victim& i should rejoice the relationship is over bc it didn't glorify God. I say ive let it go.but in reality i hvnt when they come into my head constantly.
im just broken i need of guidance& i feel like ive failed &keep failing so much.