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My prayer

Hello you who are taking the time to read and pray for a stranger,

I am 25 years old and I surrendered "my" life to Christ about 4 years ago. I have struggled so much in my walk (when I have walked with God), I get so confused as to who I am and what God wants me to do with my life.

I have a two year old and I fear that I am turning into my mother. She was very abusive when I was living with her until the age of 13. I do not abuse my precious miracle, but I am so impatient with him and I feel like that is how my mother started before the physical and mental abuse she gave my sister and I started.

I want to be a better mother, wife, and child of God but I do not know how to. I pray and I feel like my prayers are not heard. I ask for forgiveness but I feel like I am unworthy. I try to read my bible but do not care for it anymore. I have been struggling with this for 3 years out of the 4.

Recently I have made horrible choices which I have asked forgiveness for and I still feel ashamed. I have thought adulteress things, abused a substance and lost my temper with my husband and child through attitude and yelling. I recently gave up the substance but I still struggle with perverted thoughts though better than 6 months ago.

I guess all in all I need prayer for patience, understanding, giving/showing more love and grace to my loved ones, discipline to read my bible regularly and spend time with God, accountability, anger management, forgiveness toward my mother and father for my childhood and my teen hood with my foster parents and foster sister, forgiveness toward myself, forgiveness for the hurts my husband has caused me in the past, forgiveness toward my in-laws for the hurts they have cause me in the past, forgetting about the what I could have been doing if I did not make the choices I have made in the past, to live in the present not the future and especially not the past, to be a better mother that God would want me to be, and to be a better wife He has called me to be, and to be strong in my faith even when my husband is not.

I also have a prayer request re: my husband, that he may pick up his sword and be the Godly husband he once was though very short lived. Also that is faith does not get swayed by my lack of faith.

Thank you so much for reading my long request and for praying for my family that you have never met. I am so thankful that you would care for me though you do not even know me.

Tina C.

Submitter Info

Name: 
Tina
Item Status: 
approved, published

Comments

Replied

Greetings through Christ to

Greetings through Christ to you Tina! You are taking the first step by asking for prayer and help for your situation. Congratulations!!! You have a lot on your "plate" and a little of it is familiar to me. One thing that stood out to me is where you said, "to be a better mother that God would want me to be, and to be a better wife He has called me to be, and to be strong in my faith even when my husband is not". My prayer to God has been for Him to make me the mother and wife He wants me to be, not what everyone else wants. This in itself has caused some rifts with my husband but at the same time, he realizes that a Godly wife is the best he could ever have. What a blessing that you would desire this, God's will! I commend you because it is definitely not a popular way to be according to our society. You are doing the right thing and taking the steps you need to. Have you spoken to a Priest or Pastor/Minister about your feelings of unworthiness? When you ask our Heavenly Father God for forgiveness with a contrite heart, He is faithful to forgive. Your sins are as deep as the ocean floor and He remembers them no more. Yet, you must do your part in doing your best to not repeat them. We are only human but that is the way we are made, and He chooses to love us anyway! Isn't that amazing? Following Christ is never an easy thing to do especially in the world we live but it is what keeps us close to Him. These things you describe are the stumbling blocks in your conversion. They are hurdles that you have to jump over and if you cannot "jump" over them, then climb as best you can. You have God on your side when you make this decision and there is no stronger power than His. Remember that satan does not want you to change your ways to good. He trembles at the name of The Most Holy, JESUS! You have the angels and saints on your side so implore the prayers and help of those that are in His presence. You have to stop thinking that you are not forgiven of your past sins. You are being harder on yourself than God is. Accept His beautiful gift of mercy of forgiveness and take that step forward. As for your husband, be an example to him in the way you react to any situation. Patience is a virtue so keep praying for it. That is a difficult one to have in this day and age. I am constantly working on that so don't feel alone. We are all unworthy of God's gifts but through His radical grace and love for us, He extends it to us, His children. Keep praying and try to read maybe, at least, one verse from your bible at least one day a week. Look for a mother or ladies group at a church to help guide you in your faith and support. Hope this helps you somehow. Blessings, Sally.

Replied

Dear Tina, I want to say to

Dear Tina, I want to say to you that I think you are doing what the Lords wants. You are expressing your concerns. I am not the man God wants me to be either. I am a work in progress also. Tina we all have things in our life that we are ashamed of. I just got out of prison a couple of years ago, It,s a hard road to go. My dad was an abuser. Your aware that your mother was an abuser, that good I believe the Holy Sprit is bringing things to your attention that need fixed. Have you talked to your pastor? That is what they are there for, to pray and show you the God,s way of doing things. Do you have a Godly Christian woman that you can share your feelings and concern with? You need someone, a female that can pray with you, not gossip about it. I am not a counselor, but ask God to show you the way. Change takes time and can be painfull. I will be praying for you and your husband.Dear Father I lift up Tina and her husband. Tina is showing concern about things that you and her need to deal with. I am asking you Lord Jesus, to show Tina the way, if she needs counseling, provide the money to pay for it. I also ask that you speak to her husband, that he will once again surrender his life to you, and seek your face. In Jesus name Amen. God Bless sister Tina

Replied

Dear Tina, I want to say to

Dear Tina, I want to say to you that I think you are doing what the Lords wants. You are expressing your concerns. I am not the man God wants me to be either. I am a work in progress also. Tina we all have things in our life that we are ashamed of. I just got out of prison a couple of years ago, It,s a hard road to go. My dad was an abuser. Your aware that your mother was an abuser, that good I believe the Holy Sprit is bringing things to your attention that need fixed. Have you talked to your pastor? That is what they are there for, to pray and show you the God,s way of doing things. Do you have a Godly Christian woman that you can share your feelings and concern with? You need someone, a female that can pray with you, not gossip about it. I am not a counselor, but ask God to show you the way. Change takes time and can be painfull. I will be praying for you and your husband.Dear Father I lift up Tina and her husband. Tina is showing concern about things that you and her need to deal with. I am asking you Lord Jesus, to show Tina the way, if she needs counseling, provide the money to pay for it. I also ask that you speak to her husband, that he will once again surrender his life to you, and seek your face. In Jesus name Amen. God Bless sister Tina

Replied

Hello Tina, I lifted you in

Hello Tina,
I lifted you in prayer just now. I know the lord listens to our request. I want you to know I might not know you, but in christ your my sister and I care.
God Bless =-)

Replied

Tina, I am lifting you in

Tina,
I am lifting you in prayer, my sister in Christ.
My mother was an abuser too, but through Christian counseling at my church and much prayer, I have become a very good mother to my children. It's possible. God can heal and redeem all situations.
I will keep you in prayer.

Replied

Hi Tina; I know this will

Hi Tina;

I know this will sound just too simple.. because as human beings we are more like 'human doings' instead.

I have struggled with many of the same issues you have posted. I wish I could tell you that God came and waved a magic wand and everything was instantly well.. but that is not the case.

What I will say is this and let it FILL you with Hope:

On top of my own issues I had terrible debilitating fear and panic.. I asked for prayer from every place, even went to counseling which really helped me a lot. But the KEY was to fall on my knees in my heart of hearts and just POUR OUT ALL of my concerns, fears, hopes and dreams to GOD.

The reply that I heard over and over again.. was: "Let GO" Psalm 139 and Psalm 127 and Psalm 23.

The LORD told me that no matter how damaged I was and no matter how much fear I had about repeating the things that happened to me with my own kids that HE would be with me,help me, uphold me and transform me.. HE would BUILD ME and MY LIFE and who I would BECOME IF.. I just simply let HIM.

Over the years.. God has healed my fear. He healed my thoughts of adultery gradually, He helped my own anger.. and YES.. He let me learn some hard lessons even with my own kids that made me sweat sometimes.. He gave me another verse which I never forgot during these struggles
"You have made a wide path for my feet to keep them from slipping" Psalm 18:36

Now I am almost 51 and HE helped me MAKE IT. As the Word says: "LINE UPON LINE.. here a little, there a little" He changes us. We will not be magically delivered most times from our History, but He holds us and helps us to change it over time. You and I have NO idea how to change our heal ourselves.. We are HIS workmanship and just CLAY. But GOD will do it in His own time.. enter His rest, be patient with yourself and just FOLLOW HIS LEAD. in time alone with HIM you will know the path. simply trust. HE WILL NOT fail you.. nor your family.<3 Praying for you.

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