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THE GOD I KNOW BY LOVE
Hello you who are taking the time to read and pray for a stranger,
I am 25 years old and I surrendered "my" life to Christ about 4 years ago. I have struggled so much in my walk (when I have walked with God), I get so confused as to who I am and what God wants me to do with my life.
I have a two year old and I fear that I am turning into my mother. She was very abusive when I was living with her until the age of 13. I do not abuse my precious miracle, but I am so impatient with him and I feel like that is how my mother started before the physical and mental abuse she gave my sister and I started.
I want to be a better mother, wife, and child of God but I do not know how to. I pray and I feel like my prayers are not heard. I ask for forgiveness but I feel like I am unworthy. I try to read my bible but do not care for it anymore. I have been struggling with this for 3 years out of the 4.
Recently I have made horrible choices which I have asked forgiveness for and I still feel ashamed. I have thought adulteress things, abused a substance and lost my temper with my husband and child through attitude and yelling. I recently gave up the substance but I still struggle with perverted thoughts though better than 6 months ago.
I guess all in all I need prayer for patience, understanding, giving/showing more love and grace to my loved ones, discipline to read my bible regularly and spend time with God, accountability, anger management, forgiveness toward my mother and father for my childhood and my teen hood with my foster parents and foster sister, forgiveness toward myself, forgiveness for the hurts my husband has caused me in the past, forgiveness toward my in-laws for the hurts they have cause me in the past, forgetting about the what I could have been doing if I did not make the choices I have made in the past, to live in the present not the future and especially not the past, to be a better mother that God would want me to be, and to be a better wife He has called me to be, and to be strong in my faith even when my husband is not.
I also have a prayer request re: my husband, that he may pick up his sword and be the Godly husband he once was though very short lived. Also that is faith does not get swayed by my lack of faith.
Thank you so much for reading my long request and for praying for my family that you have never met. I am so thankful that you would care for me though you do not even know me.