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KING OF MY HEART BY KUTLESS
My story is complex and may sound like a joke, but it's not, it's all true. I've never done this before but am running out of options so here goes...I was raised in the Christian faith and am a practicing Catholic. I attend mass and Holy Day services as often as possibly, but have always struggled with my "worthiness" in the Lord's eyes. For the past several years it's just been one tragedy after another and I don't know how much more I can take. I lost my full-time job nearly 2 years ago and like many today have been struggling to make ends meet on part-time work and a little unemployment. I've had to use credit cards to make up for the reduction in income (I now make about 1/4 what I use to) and have no medical insurance. I am trying to keep my head above water financially but can't hold on as I am much longer. I was also in a serious relationship for over 6 years, thinking (for good reason) that we were going to get married. I nursed this guy through a near death accident and a serious illness that temporarily left him paralyzed only to find out after his recovery that he was cheating on me around the same time I lost my job. Then, while trying to deal with the emotional devistation of the break up I received word that my parents are both in very bad health, particularly my father who has always been my hero. It's been touch-and-go with both of them over the past year. Then, to top it off, last fall I fell, broke my leg and tore up my knee. It wasn't healing well, so I went for a second opinion in January and within a few minutes of seeing the new doctor was sent for an ultra sound and then rushed to the emergency room to receive massive amounts of blood thinner - I had developed a blood clot nearly the entire length of my leg! I was told it was "life threatening" and had likely caused damage to the femoral vein. I am still on blood thinner medication and the doctors said the clot had been there so long they are not sure I will ever be rid of it entirely. I have had at least 10 interviews for jobs over the past six months and it's always the same thing..."We think you're great and we'd love to have you work for us, but we offered the position to someone with just a bit more applicable experience." I am so frustrated and discouraged. I am so incredibly lonely - most of the people I thought were my friends have virtually disappeard since the breakup with my long-time boyfriend. I live in a very tiny town with few opportunities to socialize, unless you're into the bar scene, which I am not!. Although I go church, most of the congregation is elderly. I've been doing everything I an think of to get myself out of this "black hole" and nothing seems to be working. I feel as if I'm praying constantly, I read a lot of Christian literature and listent to nothing but Christian music. Some days I can get through okay and feel grateful for what I have, but then there are days like today when I just feel like giving up. I realize this is a lot of information to digest, but I would sincerely appreciate any prayers for any part of my current situation. Thanks for caring.