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CHRISTMAS MAKES ME CRY BY MATTHEW WEST
I am at a point in my life that I have no idea what to do even though I somewhat know what to do, if that makes any sense. College would be the necessary step after high school, but I haven't gone yet, nor is there a job for me. I just graduated high school last year, and I figured I'd take a year off or so, I suppose it's a mistake now. All I do now is sit at home and waste my life away. I've always wanted to make my life count and to do something great for God, but I can't even motivate or get myself back on track. It's like in my mind I wanna be productive, but I repeatedly fall back into this cycle of being lazy, doing nothing and at the end of day, beat myself up and be somewhat depressed. I suppose somewhere along the road I must've just given up entirely on life or something, I don't understand how else I would've became like this. The only thing that I've kept a hold on is the drums. I still practice and enjoy playing it. But all I ever hear from people is that I'll never make a living out of it, that my chances of ever using it greatly is slim, and that it's best if I just made it a hobby. Drumming is the only thing that can take my mind off of everything, it's my quiet time, so to speak lol.
But everything else in life I've always given up on, I feel like a loser. I don't know what direction I'm supposed to be going in, confused and hopeless. Everything seems so simple yet so difficult. I've always wondered if my father was there for the family, for me, would I've become a far better person.