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TOBYMAC-ME WITHOUT YOU
My family and I are going through a sort of depression period, due to the loss of my mom 2 months ago to brain cancer. It is affecting my dad the most, and his laments and occasional rage create a negative atmosphere in the house.
My brothers and I are trying to be strong, to move on and live on, but I have noticed lately that maybe the depression and negative atmosphere has caught on to me, because I've noticed that I have been unmotivated which breeds unproductive and failure to fulfill my personal responsibilities, which then leads to self-pity. Because of this, my school situation is suffering, and I may be on the brink of expulsion. I am doing what I can to get back on track, but there is a feeling of fear that it may not be enough. I am also faced with a large unemployment debt -- due to various factors -- and though I would accept more work, I also don't want it to hinder my schooling, as my classes are getting more challenging (and require more time) as of late; and if I decide to quit school, I will be faced with a loan debt that even my dad may not be able to help me pay for, without putting the entire family in financial danger.
My dad is suffering from fatty liver disease, which he had actually disregarded in order to give full attention to my mom during her battle with brain cancer. But he has had it examined again, and according to him, he thinks he only has only at least 6 months to live -- because of his neglect of his disease. He is also suffering from what seems like a severe cough, caused by a sinus issue.
Our family's faith foundation is quite shaky right now. Before my mom died, she and myself were more or less the only ones trying to live out our faith as Christians. My dad has been sort of 'going in and out' of his faith, but I can see that he is definitely searching. As for my 2 younger brothers, I'm not so sure anymore, and I feel and fear that I may not be in a position anymore to talk to them about things like that, since I had sort of lost their respect 4 years ago, due to various past life failures on my part.