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pray for GOd guidiance

Me n my boyfriend been together for 4 years. In those 4 years time, we have done sin. We have sex, living like husband and wife. At the same time we both actively serving God at our church. There several times my boyfriend wanted to end our relationship. But then i keep begging him not to leave me. Until the 4th years, we discuss and both of us get help for one of our friend. Now we have not contacting each other for a month as we told to. We want to live a holy life for God. It is a hard time for me to let him go. I love him so much. But i love God too. I want both of us go to heaven. May be i am selfish because i keep praying to God so that me and my boyfriend will back together. Some times i even blame God that he made us broke up. I really need God to show me how to get through all these. Sometimes i feel so alone without my boyfriend since dont have many friends. I hope that God present can fulfil me. So that i can put all my heartbroken and wound upon God and let God do something with it. Take me out feom my misery.

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